I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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