Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In America we eat man semen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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