If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
