i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We have started to decorate penises.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
