I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
