So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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