There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
