you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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