When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
