I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
