He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
