so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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