Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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