he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
