he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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