so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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