I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
