You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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