who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
