my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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