Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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