He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
