he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
