How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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