a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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