she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
