I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize