just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
