beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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