Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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