I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
