My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
