I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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