Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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