I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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