my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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