yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
