They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
stop calling my apartment porn island.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
