I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
