she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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