How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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