If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
