please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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