I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
