Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
