I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We have started to decorate penises.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
