just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's the barista slut.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
