just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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