I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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