Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
