Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
