I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
