Nicole vs. Life
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize