What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
