Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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