If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
