why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize