It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
