I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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