is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
