oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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