Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
