So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
