Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
