I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
