I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
