No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
