Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
