What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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