the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
