hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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