and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
