I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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