i love accidental penises.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
