i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
