I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
