I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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