I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
