I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So many bounce houses so little time
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
