he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You made out with two different species that night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
