Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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