Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I could make wine with my vomit
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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