I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When are your genitals available?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
