sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
