Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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