Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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