Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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