your parents love me but you hate me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
