She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
