I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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