I bet he comes in French.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
