i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
