He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
