You can't motorboat a personality
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
