Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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