anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
