There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
