If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
