Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
