you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
