are you still at the devil's house?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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