oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
