She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
