yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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