You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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