I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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