My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
