That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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