Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
